Hello Mrs Haines missing you and all my friends this is my writing about The scream machine.
His hands were trembling with fear,his body was like a leaf shaking in winter and his eyes were fixated on the colourful balls in the ball-pit.His mind was full of questions like:How about if the slide breaks halfway through, what if it leads me to another dimension and what if it takes you to the middle of the sea?
Hi Ajay! Thanks for the comment! It is lovely to hear from you!
Wow what great writing! I love the word ‘fixated’ that you have used! Good use of questions too! I am pleased that all your writing makes sense and full stops, capital letters and commas have been used correctly! WOW.
Next time try to include some fronted adverbials at the start of your sentences e.g. As I was sitting at the top of the ginormous slide, Looking around me, Five minutes later, Reluctantly,
Let me know what your favourite activities have been from this week or from before Easter by commenting below so I can do similar ones on my next blog! Tell me if you have any other learning ideas that you would like me to do on the blog!
Before I let go, I was wobbling like a massive jelly in a thunderstorm. Before I went on the slide, I gulped and thought it was a bad decision to go on the slide. Suddenly, I felt like I was getting sucked into a black hole. When I eventually got to the balls (which felt like forever), I got sucked in to the balls like a super charged vacuum cleaner w as sucking me up. I fell to the bottom of the ball pit which felt like an endless drop and had to climb my way back up. Half way up, I nearly fell and I felt horrified. Eventually, I managed to get out after I found a tasty axe which was my favourite type of candy.
What great writing Alex! I love the simile ‘wobbling like a massive jelly’ that you have used! That is exactly I feel when I get nervous. Thank you for using fronted adverbials. You have used loads. Here are some I picked out – suddenly, before I went on the slide, eventually. Great used of brackets. WELL DONE! This is brilliant writing Alex. You have used all your capital letters, commas and full stops correctly and it al makes sense.
I have enjoyed Fowley’s wings and the mystery of the Easter bunny costumes and a few books-> Alex Rider 1,2 and 3, George marvelous medicine, The Bolds in trouble. (I am missing my friends)
Hi miss Haines missing you and all of my friends this is my writing about the scream machine
His hands were shaking as his head was turning as red as an apple.He was so petrified to go…then he did. it kept going and going and going.When he got to the bottom of the slide he just went down and down into the ball pit. He found a lollypop to climb up the tower of balls then he got to the top and ate the lollypop
WOW this is brilliant writing. WELL DONE! I love the simile ‘as red as an apple’ and the repetition of going and going and going! It shows how scared he was!
His body was numb his legs were shaking, and for a moment the world stopped his mind told him io go but his body said otherwise… he closed his eyes took a deep breath and down the slide he went, crash! He went into the ballpit the it was all over. What was I afraid of?he thought to himself.
With his heart thudding louder than thunder and lightning and feeling like like he had no bones, he was about to go down the slide; the slide looked full of darkness and nightmares.The slide lead to the ball pit of horrors (his greatest nemesis) which he had unforgettable experiences with.He couldn’t think about anyone or anything other than the ball pit which led to the depths of the world.So without a doubt,he also couldn’t look away:he had to conquer his greatest fear and he would not stand for this for any longer.He would overcome the ball pit!He had thought about this day for years but he didn’t think it would be this hard or petrifying.With his heart skipping a beat and with trembling hands,he rushed down the slide.He plunged into the darkness…
I hope everyone is okay
#StayAtHome
I miss you all my friends
I owe you some dojos when we get back to school Ross because you used a semi colon AND a colon and you used it correctly! Well done! This all makes sense and you have used commas, full stops, capitals and brackets correctly. Your writing flows really well and creates suspense which is what I wanted. I love the mysterious ending. Thanks for your hard work Ross!
Hi Miss Haines. This is my scream machine entry. Hope you’re alright everyone! Missing you all!
At the top of the slide, I was in a dilemma as it looked great, but I didn’t know exactly what was at the bottom.
Annoyingly, my curiosity got the better of me. In no time, I found myself falling down a load of ball pit balls, and
children’s lost belongings. Before I was about to fall to my death, I clung on to the stick of a lolly-pop. I used this
half eaten lolly-pop for a rock climbing stick. [For a lolly-pop, it did a good job!]. Suddenly, a plaster came down
slowly and landed on the tip of my nose. Frustrated, not remembering that I could fall off, I used my hand. Slipping, I
managed to grab my rock climbing stick [a.k.a lolly-pop stick] and stayed up. When I got to the top, I thought I should
treat myself to the lolly.
I really enjoyed reading this Zachary. I love the little joke you included in brackets ‘for a lolly-pop it did a good job’ . It made me chuckle! Well done for using lots of fronted adverbials. I am also impressed with all te so junctions you use – when, and, but, before.
What lolly did he treat himself too? I would choose a fab ice lolly!
He was trembiling with fear he felt scared and anxious. Finaly, he went down the slide and fell into a DEEP swimming pool of balls.Then he face planted the hard plastic balls. He tried to climb up the tower of balls which he fell from. But nearly slipped off into pure darkness. He uesed a lolly pop to save him and managed to make it to the top.
The End
Another great piece of work Mili! Thank you! I like how you put DEEP in capitals and your writing make sense. You used good works and phrases like ‘pure darkness’ and ‘anxious’. There should be a full stop or and before ‘he felt scared and anxious’ in your first sentence.
Hi Miss Haines I’m missing all of my friends.I hope the coronavirus stops soon. This is my writing about the scream machine.
As soon as I got on the roller coaster,I was exited and happy.2 minutes later,I was at the top and we went down really fast. Then,we did a few loops and I was screaming with all I could ever scream with. I felt like a piece of grass swooshing through a storm. I didn’t dare to look down but something came over my head and I looked down . Suddenly, we got to the very top of the roller coaster and I felt like a feather flying through the air and swooshed down like a falcon going 222 mph. 5 minutes later, it was the end of the ride and when I tried to get of I couldn’t! I felt like a block of ice that was petrified and I was shocked. THE END!!!!! I hope that was good enough.Make sure you all stay safe and don’t feel scared because we’ve got pandemic out there!keep cool out there would you J.K.Hope we all see each other soon(hopefully) see you later alligator in a while crocodile, jokes!!!!
Great fronted adverbials Borys and you remembered your comma! This was really exciting to read! I love the simile ‘like a falcon’. Yes that was definitely good enough Borys! You have read through your work carefully and it all makes sense and capital letters and full stops are used correctly! You have used ambitious vocabulary like swooshed and petrified! WELL DONE!
As I looked down the huge slide, I wasn’t sure If I would even survive but I decided to take the plunge. I took a deep breath and zoomed down the slide at 100 mph screaming all the way.Then suddenly THUD! I hit the top layer of soft balls. And then, BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! I fell down the giant mountain of foam balls and hit a small amount of balls sticking out of the giant foam mountain with another loud THUD! Then I felt my face and there was something strange stuck to it. Arrggh! It was a lollipop and it had been licked. I pulled It off and fell backwards. I turned around and saw that I had fallen down a huge foam mountain made up of soft foam balls. As I took a step back I suddenly heard some foam balls falling into the black hole below me. Nearly scared to death I jumped forward afraid I was going to fall down too! Soon I decided to climb the huge mountain of foam balls, I jumped and didn’t fall and even a plaster fell on my face but I still didn’t fall because I managed to grab onto a stick of candy shaped like an ice axe that worked perfectly! Then I climbed the rest of the foam mountain with the candy and got to the top. I decided to treat myself on to the candy as I had reached the top of the enormous foam mountain. It tasted really nice and so I did my ‘I like it’ dance.I had succeeded!
Amazing writing Ben! Thank you! I love the repetition of onomatopoeia – BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! You have used lots of fronted adverbials which I asked for so well done but remember your commas after. I love the sound of the ‘I like it dance’. I can tell you read through your work carefully and edited it because it all makes sense. WELL DONE! Next time, try to use : or ; or () or – WELL DONE!
Hi everyone its Mrs Roberts here. I miss you all very much and it’s so nice to be able to read your lovely English writing. I am really impressed with the effort you have put into the writing. There are some super sentences and descriptive words. I can visualise your characters going to the top of the ride and how scared they were to take that plunge down the slide.
Phrases like: shaking like a leaf, wobbling like a massive jelly, face red as an apple, body numb, legs shaking, swooshing like a Falcon helped me to viualise that rollercoaster ride and the long drop they had to the ball-pit.
I hope you are all keeping safe and hope to see you soon. Keep up the good work.
Im really missing everyone and can not wait to get back to school. I have done my Maths and the grammer sentences activity. My dad is going to send them to you.
Today im going to draw a rollercoaster picture, do the wordsearch and then try and practice spelling the words. I am going to do some of my comprehension book as well.
I miss school too! Thank you so much for all your hard work Oliver. Your parents have sent me loads of pictures and I am so impressed. I have blogged them on the home learning blog. Go and check it out! You have been a superstar! WELL DONE!
From the beginning the boy looked scared. His face was very red from trying so hard and fast to get out. He hung tightly on to the magic lollipop and even managed to get rid of a dirty plaster -Yuck! He often look up and down to see if he was getting closer to the top. As soon as he got out he looked very surprised and happy and enjoyed finishing his lollipop.
Great summary of the clip Poppy! Your writing is excellent! I love the ‘yuck’ you included and I like the words you choose ‘hung’ and ‘tightly’. Thanks for your great work! WELL DONE!
His hands were trembling, he felt like his heart was gonna stop he was so scared . He was sweating uncontrollably as he went down the slide. Cautiously, he went into the ball pit slowly holding the sides of the slide as he saw the dark abyss under him. At the bottom of the slide he face planted some ball pit balls. He didn’t let his fear overwhelm him and started to climb up, at half way up he found a lollipop and used it to help him to climb up he finally got out and decided to reward himself to the rest of the lollipop.
Great writing Will! It is really good! I love all the fronted adverbial ‘cautiously’ that you have included and the ambitious words you have used such as ‘overwhelm’. WELL DONE!
My body was numb, I was shaking like a leaf. The world stopped. All I could feel was my heart pounding like a hammer trying to explode out of my chest. Finally, I took a deep breath and let go of the sides of the slide. Like a lightning bolt my body shot down the slide and hit the ballpit with a crash. A rainbow of balls flew up into the air.
“What was I afraid of?” I asked myself.
Writing about the scream machine makes me really miss you guys.
I miss you so much,can’t wait to see you at school
Outstanding work Josh! I love that you have used speech too and it is punctuated correctly too! I really like the similes that you have used – ‘heart pounding like a hammer’ and ‘like a lightning bolt’! Great work!
What super work Poppy i really enjoyed reading it. I loved the fact that you called it a magic lollipop.
William you describe a black abyss so well that I can imagine standing at the top looking down. I loved that you said sweating uncontrolably as it helped me to picture how scared your character was.
Josh your first piece of work was really
good but im really pleased to see you changed it and made it a fantastic story to read. Well done.
Hello Mrs Haines missing you and all my friends this is my writing about The scream machine.
His hands were trembling with fear,his body was like a leaf shaking in winter and his eyes were fixated on the colourful balls in the ball-pit.His mind was full of questions like:How about if the slide breaks halfway through, what if it leads me to another dimension and what if it takes you to the middle of the sea?
It was the grand finale moment.
That sounds amazing Ajay well done
Well done Ajay you did very good
Really good Ajay
Hi Ajay! Thanks for the comment! It is lovely to hear from you!
Wow what great writing! I love the word ‘fixated’ that you have used! Good use of questions too! I am pleased that all your writing makes sense and full stops, capital letters and commas have been used correctly! WOW.
Next time try to include some fronted adverbials at the start of your sentences e.g. As I was sitting at the top of the ginormous slide, Looking around me, Five minutes later, Reluctantly,
Hi everyone!
Let me know what your favourite activities have been from this week or from before Easter by commenting below so I can do similar ones on my next blog! Tell me if you have any other learning ideas that you would like me to do on the blog!
Definitely reading
It is lovely to hear that you enjoy reading!
Before I let go, I was wobbling like a massive jelly in a thunderstorm. Before I went on the slide, I gulped and thought it was a bad decision to go on the slide. Suddenly, I felt like I was getting sucked into a black hole. When I eventually got to the balls (which felt like forever), I got sucked in to the balls like a super charged vacuum cleaner w as sucking me up. I fell to the bottom of the ball pit which felt like an endless drop and had to climb my way back up. Half way up, I nearly fell and I felt horrified. Eventually, I managed to get out after I found a tasty axe which was my favourite type of candy.
What great writing Alex! I love the simile ‘wobbling like a massive jelly’ that you have used! That is exactly I feel when I get nervous. Thank you for using fronted adverbials. You have used loads. Here are some I picked out – suddenly, before I went on the slide, eventually. Great used of brackets. WELL DONE! This is brilliant writing Alex. You have used all your capital letters, commas and full stops correctly and it al makes sense.
Cooking! we made some smartie cookies and some chocolate cornflake crispies!
YUMMY!
I have enjoyed Fowley’s wings and the mystery of the Easter bunny costumes and a few books-> Alex Rider 1,2 and 3, George marvelous medicine, The Bolds in trouble. (I am missing my friends)
Thanks for recommending these books and telling me what you enjoyed about this week’s blog. It is really helpful for me to know! I miss everyone too!
Hi miss Haines missing you and all of my friends this is my writing about the scream machine
His hands were shaking as his head was turning as red as an apple.He was so petrified to go…then he did. it kept going and going and going.When he got to the bottom of the slide he just went down and down into the ball pit. He found a lollypop to climb up the tower of balls then he got to the top and ate the lollypop
THE END
From Elodie miss you all
Hi Elodie,
We all miss you too!
WOW this is brilliant writing. WELL DONE! I love the simile ‘as red as an apple’ and the repetition of going and going and going! It shows how scared he was!
His body was numb his legs were shaking, and for a moment the world stopped his mind told him io go but his body said otherwise… he closed his eyes took a deep breath and down the slide he went, crash! He went into the ballpit the it was all over. What was I afraid of?he thought to himself.
This had me on the edge of my seat Josh! I love the … you used and the question! It made it really exciting to read! A HUGE WELL DONE!
Hi Miss Haines I’m missing all of my friends.I hope the coronavirus stops soon.
Hi Miss Haines I’m missing all of my friends.I hope the coronavirus stops soon.
Hi Borys. I miss everyone too but hearing from everyone is cheering me up!
hi everyone I miss my friend loads.
he was scared
petrified
shocked
excited
over whelmd
Well done Freya! Great words you have used! I think he was definitely feeling those things!
With his heart thudding louder than thunder and lightning and feeling like like he had no bones, he was about to go down the slide; the slide looked full of darkness and nightmares.The slide lead to the ball pit of horrors (his greatest nemesis) which he had unforgettable experiences with.He couldn’t think about anyone or anything other than the ball pit which led to the depths of the world.So without a doubt,he also couldn’t look away:he had to conquer his greatest fear and he would not stand for this for any longer.He would overcome the ball pit!He had thought about this day for years but he didn’t think it would be this hard or petrifying.With his heart skipping a beat and with trembling hands,he rushed down the slide.He plunged into the darkness…
I hope everyone is okay
#StayAtHome
I miss you all my friends
I owe you some dojos when we get back to school Ross because you used a semi colon AND a colon and you used it correctly! Well done! This all makes sense and you have used commas, full stops, capitals and brackets correctly. Your writing flows really well and creates suspense which is what I wanted. I love the mysterious ending. Thanks for your hard work Ross!
Hi Miss Haines. This is my scream machine entry. Hope you’re alright everyone! Missing you all!
At the top of the slide, I was in a dilemma as it looked great, but I didn’t know exactly what was at the bottom.
Annoyingly, my curiosity got the better of me. In no time, I found myself falling down a load of ball pit balls, and
children’s lost belongings. Before I was about to fall to my death, I clung on to the stick of a lolly-pop. I used this
half eaten lolly-pop for a rock climbing stick. [For a lolly-pop, it did a good job!]. Suddenly, a plaster came down
slowly and landed on the tip of my nose. Frustrated, not remembering that I could fall off, I used my hand. Slipping, I
managed to grab my rock climbing stick [a.k.a lolly-pop stick] and stayed up. When I got to the top, I thought I should
treat myself to the lolly.
THE END
Well done Zachary!
I really enjoyed reading this Zachary. I love the little joke you included in brackets ‘for a lolly-pop it did a good job’ . It made me chuckle! Well done for using lots of fronted adverbials. I am also impressed with all te so junctions you use – when, and, but, before.
What lolly did he treat himself too? I would choose a fab ice lolly!
Well done Alex. That was great! I liked how you used gulped.
Yes well done Alex!
Thanks Elodie mising all of you lot thank you Miss haines
Writing
He was trembiling with fear he felt scared and anxious. Finaly, he went down the slide and fell into a DEEP swimming pool of balls.Then he face planted the hard plastic balls. He tried to climb up the tower of balls which he fell from. But nearly slipped off into pure darkness. He uesed a lolly pop to save him and managed to make it to the top.
The End
From Mili missing you all TOO!!!
Hi everyone miss u loads hope we get to see each other soon
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MILI hope u had an amazing say
Thank you, it was very different to what i would have had.
Should be day not say Elodie!
Another great piece of work Mili! Thank you! I like how you put DEEP in capitals and your writing make sense. You used good works and phrases like ‘pure darkness’ and ‘anxious’. There should be a full stop or and before ‘he felt scared and anxious’ in your first sentence.
Spelling mistakes – finally, used
WELL DONE MILI
Happy birthday Mili. I am sorry that we couldn’t celebrate it with you. I hope you had a great day with lots of presents and CAKE.
Mrs Roberts.
Hi Miss Haines I’m missing all of my friends.I hope the coronavirus stops soon.
Hi Miss Haines I’m missing all of my friends.I hope the coronavirus stops soon. This is my writing about the scream machine.
As soon as I got on the roller coaster,I was exited and happy.2 minutes later,I was at the top and we went down really fast. Then,we did a few loops and I was screaming with all I could ever scream with. I felt like a piece of grass swooshing through a storm. I didn’t dare to look down but something came over my head and I looked down . Suddenly, we got to the very top of the roller coaster and I felt like a feather flying through the air and swooshed down like a falcon going 222 mph. 5 minutes later, it was the end of the ride and when I tried to get of I couldn’t! I felt like a block of ice that was petrified and I was shocked. THE END!!!!! I hope that was good enough.Make sure you all stay safe and don’t feel scared because we’ve got pandemic out there!keep cool out there would you J.K.Hope we all see each other soon(hopefully) see you later alligator in a while crocodile, jokes!!!!
see you later alligator in a while crocodile TO YOU HA!
Great fronted adverbials Borys and you remembered your comma! This was really exciting to read! I love the simile ‘like a falcon’. Yes that was definitely good enough Borys! You have read through your work carefully and it all makes sense and capital letters and full stops are used correctly! You have used ambitious vocabulary like swooshed and petrified! WELL DONE!
Here is my English
As I looked down the huge slide, I wasn’t sure If I would even survive but I decided to take the plunge. I took a deep breath and zoomed down the slide at 100 mph screaming all the way.Then suddenly THUD! I hit the top layer of soft balls. And then, BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! I fell down the giant mountain of foam balls and hit a small amount of balls sticking out of the giant foam mountain with another loud THUD! Then I felt my face and there was something strange stuck to it. Arrggh! It was a lollipop and it had been licked. I pulled It off and fell backwards. I turned around and saw that I had fallen down a huge foam mountain made up of soft foam balls. As I took a step back I suddenly heard some foam balls falling into the black hole below me. Nearly scared to death I jumped forward afraid I was going to fall down too! Soon I decided to climb the huge mountain of foam balls, I jumped and didn’t fall and even a plaster fell on my face but I still didn’t fall because I managed to grab onto a stick of candy shaped like an ice axe that worked perfectly! Then I climbed the rest of the foam mountain with the candy and got to the top. I decided to treat myself on to the candy as I had reached the top of the enormous foam mountain. It tasted really nice and so I did my ‘I like it’ dance.I had succeeded!
Amazing writing Ben! Thank you! I love the repetition of onomatopoeia – BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! You have used lots of fronted adverbials which I asked for so well done but remember your commas after. I love the sound of the ‘I like it dance’. I can tell you read through your work carefully and edited it because it all makes sense. WELL DONE! Next time, try to use : or ; or () or – WELL DONE!
thanks
I hope everyone is okay
#StayAtHome
I miss you all my friends
Hi everyone its Mrs Roberts here. I miss you all very much and it’s so nice to be able to read your lovely English writing. I am really impressed with the effort you have put into the writing. There are some super sentences and descriptive words. I can visualise your characters going to the top of the ride and how scared they were to take that plunge down the slide.
Phrases like: shaking like a leaf, wobbling like a massive jelly, face red as an apple, body numb, legs shaking, swooshing like a Falcon helped me to viualise that rollercoaster ride and the long drop they had to the ball-pit.
I hope you are all keeping safe and hope to see you soon. Keep up the good work.
Hi Miss Haines
Im really missing everyone and can not wait to get back to school. I have done my Maths and the grammer sentences activity. My dad is going to send them to you.
Today im going to draw a rollercoaster picture, do the wordsearch and then try and practice spelling the words. I am going to do some of my comprehension book as well.
From Oliver
Hi Oliver,
I miss school too! Thank you so much for all your hard work Oliver. Your parents have sent me loads of pictures and I am so impressed. I have blogged them on the home learning blog. Go and check it out! You have been a superstar! WELL DONE!
Well done Ross! That was a great story. Please do the next part. The cliffhanger makes me want to read more.
#dothenextpart
#stayathome
#same
Hello Everyone.
I enjoyed watching the clip.
From the beginning the boy looked scared. His face was very red from trying so hard and fast to get out. He hung tightly on to the magic lollipop and even managed to get rid of a dirty plaster -Yuck! He often look up and down to see if he was getting closer to the top. As soon as he got out he looked very surprised and happy and enjoyed finishing his lollipop.
Looking forward to seeing you all soon x
Great summary of the clip Poppy! Your writing is excellent! I love the ‘yuck’ you included and I like the words you choose ‘hung’ and ‘tightly’. Thanks for your great work! WELL DONE!
Hi it’s will:D
His hands were trembling, he felt like his heart was gonna stop he was so scared . He was sweating uncontrollably as he went down the slide. Cautiously, he went into the ball pit slowly holding the sides of the slide as he saw the dark abyss under him. At the bottom of the slide he face planted some ball pit balls. He didn’t let his fear overwhelm him and started to climb up, at half way up he found a lollipop and used it to help him to climb up he finally got out and decided to reward himself to the rest of the lollipop.
Hi Will!
Great writing Will! It is really good! I love all the fronted adverbial ‘cautiously’ that you have included and the ambitious words you have used such as ‘overwhelm’. WELL DONE!
Hi everyone
My body was numb, I was shaking like a leaf. The world stopped. All I could feel was my heart pounding like a hammer trying to explode out of my chest. Finally, I took a deep breath and let go of the sides of the slide. Like a lightning bolt my body shot down the slide and hit the ballpit with a crash. A rainbow of balls flew up into the air.
“What was I afraid of?” I asked myself.
Writing about the scream machine makes me really miss you guys.
I miss you so much,can’t wait to see you at school
Outstanding work Josh! I love that you have used speech too and it is punctuated correctly too! I really like the similes that you have used – ‘heart pounding like a hammer’ and ‘like a lightning bolt’! Great work!
What super work Poppy i really enjoyed reading it. I loved the fact that you called it a magic lollipop.
William you describe a black abyss so well that I can imagine standing at the top looking down. I loved that you said sweating uncontrolably as it helped me to picture how scared your character was.
Josh your first piece of work was really
good but im really pleased to see you changed it and made it a fantastic story to read. Well done.
Missing everyone loads.
Mrs Roberts.