Wow Jake! This is amazing. It makes sense so I can tell you carefully read through your work. You have also used paragraphs really well. Your spelling is amazing and you kept it in past tense the whole time. Well done! I really enjoyed reading it.
Next time – try to use a range of conjunctions (after, before, whilst, when, while, then, so, if, but, and, for, nor, as, because) You have also missed a few full stops where you should have started new sentences,
Wow Jake! This is amazing. It makes sense so I can tell you carefully read through your work. You have also used paragraphs really well. Your spelling is amazing and you kept it in past tense the whole time. Well done! I really enjoyed reading it.
Next time – try to use a range of conjunctions (after, before, whilst, when, while, then, so, if, but, and, for, nor, as, because) You have also missed a few full stops where you should have started new sentences,
Amazing work Jake well done.